She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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