Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
