We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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