I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
