this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
