shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
