the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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