I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
don't judge my taste in strippers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
