I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
