forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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