I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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