After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
