I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
