the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
