chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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