Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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