there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
