If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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