I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
