Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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