Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize