there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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