how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
