All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
