If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
