It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
