Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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