So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
