I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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