I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
