So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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