My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
