Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
