my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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