you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
