there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
