Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
