READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
