All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
