once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
