My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
