clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
