Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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