She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
