I wanna passion pit in your ass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
