I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
