careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
