You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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