we made out on top of his cat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
