cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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