dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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