her facebook's as public as her vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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