i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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