Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think my mom watched the whole time
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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