I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
