So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize