Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
