when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
