she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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