smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
