Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
