WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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