so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
