Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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