Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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