i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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