Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
