Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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