Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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