I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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