There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i will never coherently bang her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
PANTIES FOUND
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