I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
