so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
