A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
