Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
