just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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