Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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