I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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