Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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