I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
