i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
