Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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