lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were trust falling into bushes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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