just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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